separation anxiety

hey y'all, it's been a while!

how you been?

me? i've been good, but even better now!

so let's cut to the chase.

i'd been feeling some type of way.

a way that i wasn't aware of until recently.

i'd been separate.

separate from some friends..., some family..., just some people in general.

and i'm not talking about staying cooped up in the house or just to myself, i get out from time to time, and i can still hang! lol

but i'm talking about being separate mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

it was not intentional at all

wait, can i be honest?

so, without my intention, this blog has become sort of a diary for me. i find myself sharing things i didn't plan. however, i know i'm not alone in my life experiences and sharing them can encourage someone else who felt no one else could relate to them.

can i tell you a secret?

i suck at communicating sometimes! especially when it's not hippE/work related. i sometimes take decades to text back and if i get to the phone before it stops ringing, it's a blessing. but i manage lol. again, it's not intentional. see, the way my life is set up, my days seem to run together and it may not be until midnight before i get to just sit down.

anyway, so back to this separation stuff, i was starting to think something was wrong with me. like why am i not connecting?? why don't i feel included?? why do i feel separate?? like really??

so, in typical erica fashion, after racking my poor brain over and over, i turned to God. (duh! i know right! shouldn't i do this first by now?!)

i'll learn one day y'all!

and this is what i got...

as i draw closer to God, i will become separate from the world.

y'all, like nothing bad has happened in my friendships or relationships. i have had not one argument, not one fight, not one altercation with anyone. now you see why i was confused??

however, i did notice that the more i focused on God and my purpose, the "wyd tonight?" texts lessened, the "tea" dried up, the phone calls diminished, and invites didn't exist from people i once talked to daily or things i did religiously.

i don't consider myself a "religious" person or "bible pusher" and definitely not a judgmental person! i don't force anyone to believe in God or shame them for their beliefs. i simply show the love that i'm shown every day. ain't nothing better and trust me, people notice and crave the joy and peace that i possess. "it's all God, baby!", is what i tell them.

i'd just been feeling separate. i could relate, but i couldn't connect, if that makes sense.

at first i panicked. like am i bad person?? am i being selfish?? was it something i said?? was it something i did?? like really having separation anxiety.

i was uncomfortable y'all, but God.

as always comes to comfort and confirm. (i'm smiling so hard right now y'all)

listen, i am in no way saying i once was a bad person or any of my friends or family have been or are bad people. in fact, i am surrounded by some of the dopest and most beautiful people on this earth!

i am only saying this...

when God separates you from someone or something, he is drawing you closer to himself so you can begin to operate at his divine pace for your life.

stay focused on him y'all, not on what you loss.

when God takes you out of your comfort zone and calls you out and into the unknown, he has a divine destination to get you to and a divine purpose to accomplish through you.

when God separates you from the person you used to be, he is about to show you your true identity in him.

stay focused on him y'all, not on the person who is no more.

it will be difficult emotionally, but when God separates you he is demonstrating his great love, power, and his sovereign wisdom.

God knows what he’s doing and he doesn’t mind you feeling uncomfortable for a moment. soon you will see that his word is true and that his thoughts toward you are of peace and not of evil. they are plans to give you hope and a brilliant future!

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

-Jeremiah 29:11-13 New International Version (NIV)

now let me tell you how good God is though! during this separation, i can confidently say i have no enemies and i'm still considered a friend. thank God for a smooth separation! he knows my heart's desire and continues to spread his everlasting and unconditional love through me!

i know that if you are reading this, then this is for you. God loves you and so do i! this process is rough, but so worth it y'all! thanks so much for your time and please share! if you don't mind i just wanna end this in a lil prayer.

Lord, thank you for loving me the way you do. i don’t understand everything you are doing, and i'm okay with that. all I know is, i trust you. you have never led me astray or left me hanging. help me to keep my mind stayed on you as you separate me and propel me forward into your perfect plan for my life. in Jesus name, amen.

good vibes only,

hippEmama

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